We are familiar with the middle life crisis or any age crisis, but no one preparing you for other "little" crisis that you might have during your life.
I think you are not looking for crisis until you need to face it.
That could be got to the 1st class, your parents got a divorce, moving to another school, change your home town, move to other country, experience boycott (not as a country haha), going to the army, saved from an accident, experienced sexual harassment, got injury, friend that commit suicide, attempt to do it by yourself, quiet job, travel oversea, got fired, divorce, losing faith in yourself, don't trust people, start from nothing, losing someone, saying goodbye and so on and on…
In my case, I face it all above and probably some that I didn't forget, but still hard to write ..
No one really can prepare you for those, and it is really easy to get lost in the dark of that matters.
Our parents can try to protect us as much they want and care, but come on, between us, they not truly can do that or save us from the path the universe lead us too.
The Tora says: "Everything is possible and permission is given" (Avot 3-96). The day that we came to life, we have a path and a purpose, sometimes we are going totally to the other direction that life will face us again and again until we get back "to trail", or not …. That is the permission that was given to each and one of us.
It is hard to say and admit that everything that happens to us in life been given us to test our willingness, to open our eyes, to change us or making us strong.
It is hard to stop asking "why me" or "what the fuck?"
I remember myself, not once, trying to understand the why and what. Sometimes I'm still falling for that. The easy is to get back to what I already have done for years, as from the side it seems that some people experience let's say easy life like they get everything they wish for and don't need to struggle to get something, fight to achieve something or live in a certain survival. Looks like they living the dream. Frustrating isn't it?
No good news in that part. Yes, some people have an easy life from this reason or another. Is it really matter ?! NAH as each and one of us living in a movie. A movie that created for us. what we see on the screen it does not have to be what happens behind the scenes.
I believe that most of the time people around me didn't know what I was struggling with. I can admit that I've been a good actress too. Don't learn from me, as I can say that at some point in life it makes you exhausted, having trouble finding the right words to describe feelings, emotions or thoughts .. I found myself don't know how to ask for help even when really needed and from some reason I pushed myself again and again to a point to prove myself that I can do everything by my own – sound good, but it is not .. it is easier and nicer to do things by sharing and you have someone to trust and put your head on (yes, sometimes it does not have to be your partner in life..)
So, that is the truth that no one told me. no one prepares me too. For a long time, I was naïve. Sometimes I still am …
The crises left their scars and brought me for who am I today..
At least now I know that there is a purpose for each crisis.. yet, it does not say I understand it all… as written earlier – somethings are above what our eyes can see. But it helps not to critics others and be judgmental and hard on me as at the end – all of us doing our best at the moment..
